i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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