what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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