yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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