Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
