Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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