no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
