Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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