what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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