so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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