are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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