Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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