so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
