I want to stick my p in your. b.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
