I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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