i can't believe i had my finger in that
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
