This house was built for laser tag.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
