And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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