Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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