i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS