Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.