so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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