I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this just has baby written all over it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened