Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
