that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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