She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
