No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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