i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
