...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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