i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
