super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
