i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
