I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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