Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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