I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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