It's Friday. Sex?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
