There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
