Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He did a backflip because drugs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
