The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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