The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Randomize
