is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
