We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
