I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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