dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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