I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
