I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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