Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
