he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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