I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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