garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
