Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
