I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
