the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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