Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
