stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
