Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize