The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
