One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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