I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
