I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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