i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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