i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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