I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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