My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
