Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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