$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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