I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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