Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
