We won't sleep together?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
