we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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