He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
