my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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