so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
