just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
