my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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