the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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