So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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