I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
