Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
