I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
