when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
