Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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