I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
