am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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