I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
